Thursday, November 29, 2012

9 Things Your Chain Gym Won't Tell You!!

A big portion of the fitness industry clientele- meaning you, me, and anyone else who exercises, belong to a Chain Gym, a Globo Gym, or a Big box gym.  Whatever you want to call it.  For years and years this has been the best bet for many average people.  Always in the community with the lowest prices and the most plentiful advertisements.

While a chain gym (And when I say chain gym I mean the big gyms that have locations next to Wal-Marts, Grocery Stores, Multiple locations across the globe, television ads, huge billboards promoting $5 a month memberships, and the places that have air conditioning.)could be a good bet for a bodybuilder, an elderly person, or someone young who is looking to meet people they are not the best place for the average person who wants to lose fat and look good naked- the people who are genuinely serious about getting fit.

We go to gyms to become fit, healthy, and look good naked- it's a fact. Paying a monthly fee of a few dollars so you can have access to do as you want is probably not the best option for your goals. The local garage gyms, warehouse, CrossFit Boxes, and Strength and Conditioning Facilites that charge a monthly rate for group led classes, semi private training, and only have schedule hours where it's "Come now and lift like we tell you to." are your best tickets to the body you dream about. You don't go and do whatever you "think" you should be doing, you go and do what the programs says that guarantees your results.

With the rise in Warehouse Gyms, Small Group Studios, Garage Gyms, CrossFit Boxes, and Strength and Conditioning Facilities it is getting so much harder for the big gyms to make a profit and stay afloat. Many members are trying to leave to find the hole in the wall strength gym and the Gold's, Retro's, 24 hours', and Snaps are fighting for their lives.  With that said, ere are 9 things you'd never hear an employee say at your Chain Gym.

1. "We actually hope you don't come."

They'd never say it to your face but it's true.  With 1000 members paying a couple bucks a month they hope you never show up.  You'll crowd the gym and cause a ruckus while curling in the squat rack. Pay us, be gung ho for a month or two, and please.. don't come. We still need your cash to pay our rent so we have no choice but to lock you in a harsh contract!

2. "Try the Free Weights instead of the Machines."

They're insurance is pretty high because of all the equipment and the amount of members they have.  So with that they load the place with machines to keep you away from the small area of free weights.  It lessens the chance of injury occurring and justifies the fact they bought an abductor machine.

3. "Try Sprinting outside at the track across the street instead of walking on our treadmill."

Now why would they say that to you? They want you, if you come, to be on the treadmill so the other new members see the gym is a place for hard work..... Right!

4. "The gym across the street or the garage gym downtown will get you better results quicker, for only a little extra cost."

Of course you'd never hear this because you'd leave, but it's true.  Being coached or training with stronger, fitter, or more knowledgeable people will get you better results then just going to do your own thing. Those guys design their programs so their clients gets results.  Why?  It makes people happy I guess?  So they tell their friends possibly? Because that's what fitness is about..?

5. "We'll fight with you to keep you from leaving."

Oh you want to leave?  Well that's $250. You didn't see this fine print.  Not good enough you still want to leave?  How about $2 a month instead of $5? I thought so! And here's a free training session!

6. "Some of our instructors or trainers, are not certified and don't know how to perform CPR."

You don't need to have all that mumbo jumbo to train someone.  Why bother?

7. "We hope you don't get results so you keep coming back and allow us to collect your money on a monthly basis."

They'd rather you fail over and over again so maybe the next time you fail, you hire their training staff, or at least... you keep coming.

8. "The music we play is on to get you Stoked to workout hard!!"

NOT! We actually put these tunes on so Grandma doesn't bitch at us and to keep you lifting those 5lb dumbbells like a zombie.

9. "Sure, you can do those crazy effective Strongman or Olympic lifts in our gym." 

No, sorry. That's not even funny.  Sir please don't do Yoke Walks out of our Squat Rack. No chalk either buddy. And I'm afraid you can't use our dumbbells to do Farmer's Walks.  There's too many people and they may start to ask questions.

What it all comes down to is the line that separates the fitness population.  On one side you have the "freaks", the people who are Dedicated Demanding and Determined, the people who lift heavy weights, do intense group exercise, CrossFit, Strongman training, Olympic lifting and on the other side you have the people who are fine with just going through the motions on the treadmill, the machines, the pink dumbbells- the people who get mad at people who use chalk or lift heavy because it's "intimidating".

It keeps the circle of life in the fitness industry going and our small time fitness businesses need big places like these. It keeps the unmotivated zombies out of our way.  We like to pick things up, heavy things, and put them down and they like to watch Oprah or read and call it a workout.  Listen to lies or seek the truth.  When you do, you'll be amazed at the fact you "thought" you were in shape.

1 comment:

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